Hey dolls
This post is going to be a long one, so grab a Starbucks and a snack!
What is EPing you ask? Exclusively pumping. Breast pumping! I want to share my story for all the new mothers out there who can’t breast feed normally for any number of reasons.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I hadn’t really given much thought to breastfeeding. I was not breastfed, so I did not know much about the subject. When John and I first started talking about the things we wanted for our new baby, breastfeeding was number one on his list. John was breastfed until he was almost two years old. You go Karen(my mother in-law)! But I still didn’t know if breastfeeding was going to be for me. I still was not sure if it was something I wanted to do. I began to read about breastfeeding and all the benefits of breastmilk. I talked to my friends who had done it. After all the amazing information I read and was told… how could I not want to give it a try?
So the time came and Charlotte came into the world via c-section. Normally when you give birth, they bring the baby right to you and have your first skin to skin contact. Well in my case that wasn’t what happened. I had to be put back together before I could hold my new baby girl. After they sewed me back up I got to finally hold my baby. The first thing the nurses did was have me put her to my breast. It was all so much to process. I was still feeling shaky from the drugs they used to numb me from the stomach down.
We had a little longer than normal stay in the hospital due to Charlotte’s bilirubin levels being off. That means my blood was attacking Char’s. Sounds scary I know, but it’s very common. The lactation consultant we had was so sweet and so helpful. Char was not the best at latching, so I used a nipple shield by Medela. The lactation consultant told me when we got home to try without it.
So, fast forward to getting out of the hospital and coming home. Char was still not latching without the shield and it was so frustrating to me. I hated having to clean them, and trying to put them on in the middle of the night was ridiculous. After about two weeks of high stress and anxiety I gave up breastfeeding. I just wanted to be done. All I wanted to do was give my baby a bottle so she would be happy and healthy. John asked that I not give it up all together just yet. There was one other way to give her breastmilk: pumping. While we were in the hospital, the nurses and lactation consultant taught us how to pump as well as nurse.
I said what the hell, it can’t be that bad to pump, right? Ha- I had no idea what I was in for! I was so blessed to receive a Medela breast pump from one of my mother’s friends as a baby shower gift. Medela makes a few different models, this one was the Pump In Style. It is the same model most health insurance companies will provide you with. So the pumping began. In the beginning, before your milk is fully in, you have to pump as many time as you would normal feed your baby. For a newborn, that means all day every day. I am not sure why I thought this was a better way. I guess I forgot I still had to feed Char. So, I was pumping around the clock and feeding her the bottles when I was done, and sometimes even at the same time! Now, looking back, it was so so much easier when she was a newborn and still small enough to be happy in her bouncer.
Finally the twelve week mark came and my milk was fully in! I was an over producer at this time. That means I was making more than Char was eating in a day. She would eat about 20-30 oz and I was making 50-60! Now I was able to start freezing the left over of the day. But I was more stressed out than ever. It was so much for me to pump all day and take care of her all by myself while John worked 12 plus hours. It was madness. There were so many times I wanted to call it quits. John pushed me to keep going, he was wonderful throughout this whole time. Also every time I would try to quit, I just couldn’t. I wanted to keep giving her this liquid gold. It was a powerful feeling – keeping my daughter alive with just my body. It is one of the most natural things we as women can do.
The time came when Char became mobile. This was the end of my sanity. Being literally glued to the wall while pumping with my daughter on the move was terrible. I was more stressed than ever.
Around this same time was when I discovered the exclusively pumping mothers group on Facebook. Prior to this, everything I learned about EPing was via google and Kelly Mom.com. For those new mommies out there, Kelly Mom is wonderful. There is a ton of helpful information on breastfeeding and parenting in general. But still, there were times I had questions about pumping and couldn’t find an answer via the web. EPing is relatively new, it’s not something mothers have been practicing for years and years. So there is not a lot of info out there. I was so thankful when I came across this group on FB. It was like the sun came out and the birds were singing! I had found a group of women that were going through the same thing I was on a daily basis. You could post a comment or question and have 20 or more answers or comments back. Seeing that other women were going through the same things was incredibly helpful. The most amazing part was seeing that other mothers were making it to their goals. One month, three, six, nine and a year, which was my goal. There were even mothers who had been pumping for years, yes years like – plural! Having the support of these women was everything and got me through some very dark days. The one statement that always stayed with me was,. “never quit on a bad day”. I had so many days like this. Anything that would go wrong I would blame on pumping. Silly I know, but hey, it was stressful to me.
When Char was about four months old, I learned about a new pump that I hadn’t known existed. The Medela Freestyle. It is a rechargeable electric pump. Aka hands free, it is about the size of your hand. The down side… it’s pretty expensive. But after talking with John about all the problems I was having with pumping, we both decided it was a good investment. And was it ever! This pump changed my life. I could change her diaper while pumping, make dinner, let the dogs out and follow Char as she moved around the house. I was freeish! Now I would not recommend this pump to someone just starting out pumping or breastfeeding and using a pump to empty their breast after feeding. Once your milk fully comes in would be the time for this pump in my opinion. It did not pump as hard as the original pump I had, the pump in style by Medela. It did take awhile to empty my breast as well, being mobile was more inportant to me than the few cons. But all and all it was totally worth the cost!
After Char turned about six months old I started decreasing my pumps per day. Like I said in the beginning I was pumping 8-10 times a day. Once she started sleeping through the night, I dropped both of my middle of the night pumps. This took me down to six times a day. After that I continued to drop pumps every month or so until I was down to only pumping three times a day. When she was about 9 months old, I took a Plan B pill to make sure I wasn’t going to get prego again! Hey we all have accidents right? HA-HA. Well the good news was the pill worked. The bad news… it killed my milk supply. I had read everything I could before taking it, and all the info I found said it was safe. But for some reason my supply dropped and never was the same again. Thank god I had a large freezer stash of milk to supplement with.
So, for a few more months we were still 100% breastmilk. Then…my freezer stash ran out. My heart was broken. For the first time I had to go buy a box of formula. Obviously I know there is nothing wrong with formula, I was formula feed. It was that I felt like I failed at my goal. She was so healthy and happy all thanks to the hard work and breastmilk I had given her. My first trip to buy formula was a nightmare. I went to babies-r-us, since I knew they had the biggest selection. I may or may not have had a meltdown trying to pick what brand and type to buy. I ended up with an organic brand. I was still pumping about half of what she was drinking a day. So I mixed the two together to help her get used to it at first. She did fine, as I knew she would. I was just so upset at first.
As the last few months of her first year went on, my supply kept dropping until it was finally gone. On Charlotte’s first birthday, I pumped for the last time. Only a few dropped came out. It was what I wanted all along…to be completely dried up on her birthday. But why was I so sad? I never thought I would have wanted to keep going. After all the stress and anxiety, I still wanted to pump. Had my milk stayed in strong, I probably would have kept going until she was two.
Now that you know my story, I want to touch on the reason why I would not recommend pumping if you can breastfeed the traditional way. The first being traveling. Ugh, was this a giant bitch. Packing up the pumps and the pump part and the bottle and cleaning supplies. On top of all the other items you need when traveling with a baby, this was insanity. Trying to clean everything when you are away from home and not in your normal setting is a pain. No one’s house it set up like you have your own. The second is just leaving the house period. Unless you are one of these bomb moms I have seen on the support page pumping in the car or in bathrooms, it’s hard to be away from the house for an extended period of time. Thirdly, just cleaning all the parts and bottles. You dirty so many containers by pumping and feeding from bottles. But my sweet husband took on that task for me. John cleaned the pumping parts and all of the bottles every night. I could not have asked for a better husband and coparent.
There were so many things I hated about pumping, but the most important thing to me was that I reached my goal. Charlotte almost had breast milk everyday of her life for the first year. It was so stressful, but well worth it all. I have a happy and very healthy baby! If any of you out there are having problems with breastfeeding or pumping, and need advice or just someone to talk to who knows what it’s like, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I would be happy to help you get through it in any way that I can.
Kathleen Bailey says
Awesome story. I exclusively pumped for my last child, it was SOOOO hard. I used the Freestyle too and it was amazing.