A few weeks ago, I wrote a few posts on my Be BONA•FIDE confessions. Confessions about things I do not share or show via my social media channels. Today, I want to share another one of the great messages from Be BONA•FIDE and The Shine Project.
T-Shirt[Be Bona•Fide]// Photo credit: Amy Hess Photography
Motherhood is not glamorous, period. It is not what the Target ads or Instagram makes it out to be. Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding. I grew a baby in my body for over 9 months and she was brought into this world via c-section on Feb 2. That day my life changed forever. To be honest, I did not have that instant bond other mothers talk about. Now, looking back, I’m sure that had to do with the postpartum that I never have discussed with a doctor. It wasn’t until she was around a month old that I became overly protective. We were trying to take a trip back home to STL and I just felt like it was not safe. I kept looking at her and worrying she was too small to make such a long journey. She couldn’t hold her head up and the pads on her first car seat sucked. About an hour in, we turned around and headed back to the house because I couldn’t calm down. Since that day, I have been obsessed with her. I hate that it took me so long to find that special bond, but it is here now.
I love her so much, and sometimes I have bad days and don’t always show it. I want to give her as much love as she can handle everyday no matter what is going on. There is nothing better in this world than to have unconditional love for your child. I want to always do right by her, to say and do all the right things so she has a chance to grow up and be the best person she can be – whoever that may be. Lately, I have been slacking in the “do and say all the right things” department. Toddlerhood is HARD. She is so smart, so mean, and so sweet all at the same time. But it is only a phase and she will never be this little again. She will never need me more than she needs me right now. She will continue to grow and become her own girl and need me less and less everyday. So, I will take the temper tantrums, meltdowns, and down right evil moments with all the love and patience I can muster.
The first year of her life I was so busy documenting it, I feel like I missed out on a lot of great moments. I was always posting photos and videos on social media so my family could stay up to date on what was going on with her. I took short videos of her everyday for the first year as well. I have yet to edit them all together. Procrastination. I have also spent the last year and a half obsessing about my weight. I wasn’t small before I was pregnant, but I am definitely in worse shape now. She has seen me melt down because I can’t find something to wear. Or, sometimes I wear the same Pjs for days in a row because I hate getting dressed. Until now, I always felt like ehh, she won’t remember me like this. But she will, and I don’t want her to remember me for always caring about what I look like. I want her to remember me for how much I loved her or how I taught her how to color, something useful and not vain. I am lucky enough to have a husband how would rather have me with no makeup, no high heels and just be a plain jane if I want. It drives me crazy sometimes because I love to get all done up. But, it is nice to know he loves me for what I really look like under all the foundation and bronzer.
There is so much beauty in this world and I want to make sure she knows what real beauty is. What is on the inside, not the outside. I want her to always be happy. To always try to think of the bright side of life. To always think positively, even when life isn’t going her way. To always go for what she wants in life. I just want to teach her to always shine.
There is someone who needs this message today. By sharing it we can help inspire and uplift one another. By purchasing a Choose To Shine t-shirt, Be Bona Fide will be donating 20% of each “choose to shine” shirt to The Shine Project, which helps our young adults to college and help them to let their light shine as well.
Samantha says
You’re a great mommy and I love me some Char baby. She’s going to grow up and think “I’m lucky to have such a great mom!” Don’t you worry, you’re doing fine 🙂 Love you!
Lana says
Well written and expressed. I am a 64 year old mother and still have some of those same feelings. You are well established in the best kind of “hood” – “Motherhood”! Be blessed and enjoy it! It never ends!
Jasmine says
I can honestly relate. When I was first pregnant with Rylan I was so excited to be a mother. Once I had him (via c-section) about a month later.. my anxiety started to get bad. I was constantly worried about going anywhere with him. Especially because his father lived 45 mins away from us. I barely left my house and my parents started to get worried. Come to find out I had what every mom goes through after giving birth. I felt ashamed a little but at the same time I realized that other moms go through that.
Being a mom is a blessing and hard at times. They test your patience, make you cry, laugh and to me that is all worth it. I love being a mom.
Hil says
So true. Being a mom is so hard and it can be awful sometimes when we want to be someone we can’t be because we are too tired and stressed and can’t be who we want with our babies.
Whitney says
Yes! It is so hard, but also amazing at the same time.