T-Shirt[Be Bona•Fide]// Photo credit: Amy Hess Photography
I have gained 20 lbs since I stopped breastfeeding
As of Charlotte’s first birthday (Feb 2nd), I was no longer a breastfeeding mother. After all the stress of exclusively pumping, I was eager to say goodbye to that chapter of my life. What I didn’t know was how much my body would change yet again. In 2013 when I became pregnant with Char I was around 150 lbs. For most of my life leading up until the summer I became sick with what I think is still an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, I was a fairly small girl. I am 5’2 and my normal pants size was always around a 2-4. Which is normal for height, maybe even a little big. At the height of the time I was sick I was weighing 163, the most I have ever weighed in my life. After being treated, everything seemed to be clearing up and I was back down to 150 again. Fast forward to the end of my pregnancy when I delivered Char at 198. Yes at 5’2 I was 198. I had gained almost 50lbs while pregnant. Enter breastfeeding… Breastfeeding was a such a blessing in so many ways. It was a stressful time but also helped me to lose all of my pregnancy weight and then some. On the last day of breastfeeding I weighted in at 130 lbs. I felt amazing, and was back into a size 6 pants! Well sadly, that did not last long. It was almost immediately that I started gaining the weight back. By my birthday in the middle of May, I was back to a whopping 150. I have now officially gained 20 lbs since the beginning of February. It is amazing how many more calories you burn while breastfeeding.
I am so disappointed that I let myself gain this amount of weight in such a small amount of time. None of my clothes I bought at the beginning of summer fit and it makes me sad to even go shopping for clothes. I found myself in American Eagle the other day trying on size 10 short jeans, and actually laughing out loud at myself. I was laughing at how big I was. How did this even happen? How have I gained so much weight in such a little amount of time? Answer? Being lazy, eating too much, and honestly just getting older. As women get older it gets harder and harder and harder to lose weight. Easy on… not so easy off. When Char doesn’t eat all of her dinner I find myself eating what I have and then hers. I just love food and now it has also become a comfort for me. I have a REAL addition to chocolate. If it is in the house, I eat it. Charlotte’s cookies, candy bars or ice cream. If I can find something sweet I am eating it. And on top of the chocolate obsession, I love dairy. And THEN, Starbucks is also a HUGE problem for me and my diet. I could drink three Caramel Macchiatos a day if my husband would let me. But at 240 calories each, they are a no go nowadays. When I was breastfeeding, it seemed I could eat anything and everything in sight and not gain a pound. Sometimes weeks I even lost weight without even trying. But I was still kind of eating for two. For pretty much a whole year I kept my daughter alive with just the milk my body made.
Now being seven months out of breastfeeding, and more than 20 lbs heavier, I am more than ready to get my act together. I am over being upset every time I have to get dressed for the day. I want to be confident in myself when I look in the mirror. I want to be and feel healthy. But getting dressed has always been hard for me…
I Melt Down Every Time I Have To Get Dressed
For as far back as I can remember I have hated getting dressed. Which is odd given my love for fashion. I love everything about clothes, until I have to wear them. My mom still likes to tell the story of how if my socks weren’t on my feet just right that I would completely melt down. I remember being so upset when my ponytail wasn’t completely straight or my shoes not feeling right on my feet. All of those things still have not changed and I am now 27. Now I have an even harder time getting ready because now my weight is also an issue. Every time I try on a pair of jeans, leggings, or shorts and they are too tight, I lose my mind. I get so upset with myself for not fitting into the clothes I just purchased weeks or even days before. It takes over my mind completely. This is why most days I just wear workout clothing or lay around the house in PJs. Getting up and getting dressed is just too stressful for me. But why is this? Why do I react so strongly to my clothes not fitting or feeling the way I want them too?
My mother and sister were chatting about how Char hates to have her diaper changed and thought that she might have a small sensory issue, which got me thinking about myself. So, I started researching a little bit about sensory issues in children and adults and I have quite a few of the symptoms on the checklist. Maybe this whole time I thought I was just being a brat because my clothes didn’t fit/feel right, it was/is something deeper. I obviously haven’t seen a doctor or gotten a professional opinion, but it is something that is a real possibility given the research I have done. I want to get to a place where getting dressed for the day doesn’t cause anxiety. I want to be able to put on the clothes I love and feel confident and comfortable.
Do you have body image issues? Is it hard for you to get ready for the day? If s,o just know you are not alone.
Victoria says
I totally relate. Over the last year I have gained 15ish pounds and now my clothes are starting to not fit. I’ve all but neglected my blog because I don’t want to photograph myself in anything, and I’m uber self conscious. Thanks for the post so I don’t feel so alone!
Whitney says
That is one of the reason I stopped doing fashion post. Every time I would get my photos back I would hate the way I looked.
Alex says
So sorry you are going through this 🙁 I’m in the same boat as you except I was never even pregnant or breast feeding – I just got lazy. I think it’s time to get down to business & workout + eat healthy! We can do it.
Whitney says
Yes we can! I have been trying my best to make a full lifestyle change but it is hard sometimes. We will get there tho!